hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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