I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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