i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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