Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
