At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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