so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
