He asked me if I "almost moaned"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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