chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
