I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
not ubering you a puppy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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