I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
