More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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