that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Someone shit on the floor
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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