so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
