fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
