watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
