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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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