The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
as a side note pls kill me
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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