life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
