I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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