We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sponge bath it is.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
