The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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