So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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