It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
