I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
