They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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