I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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