Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
