is your mom at the bar?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
