Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
