i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
