You can't motorboat a personality
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
