the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Found your dick twin last night
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
