He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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