i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Randomize