did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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