once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
