i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
