he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
