We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize