Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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