He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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