Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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