I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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