i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
