Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize