I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
