Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
