Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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