let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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