My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
