You really coming over, don't trick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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