dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
