that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
