Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
