dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
