YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
