We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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