on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
