yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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