omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
