I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
