I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize