Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm like, not good at living.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
