I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
