you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
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