Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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